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Laws of pornography

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Not to be confused with the Laws of Hentai.
  1. All women wear high heels to bed.
  2. Men are never impotent.
  3. When "going down" on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
  4. If a woman gets caught masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment; instead she will insist he have sex with her.
  5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
  6. Women are indifferent as to whether they get it in the mouth, in the vagina or up the ass.
  7. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
  8. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
  9. WOMEN SCREAM AND GRAB THE MAN'S ASS CLOSER TOWARDS THEM WHEN THEY'RE GOING TO CUM, causing more moaning.
  10. Women will always orgasm when men do.
  11. All women are noisy cummers; often they will announce when it is happening and give a running commentary.
  12. Those tits are real. Period.
  13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's ass. Or face. Spanking is also a turn-on.
  14. Men must always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
  15. Women don't have the physical capability to spit out cum. They can only transfer it to another woman.
  16. If there are two men present, they must high five each other.
  17. Double penetration makes women smile.
  18. Asian men don't exist, but their chicks are more than willing to have a few orgasms with you.
  19. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't beat you to death if you shove your penis in his girlfriend's mouth.
  20. Only fetish porn has a plot.
  21. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite her by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
  22. Nurses tend to suck patients' cocks as an exam method.
  23. Nuns are always wild and eager for sex.
  24. Men always pull out, and can hold until the money shot.
  25. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before joining both of you.
  26. Women never have headaches or periods.
  27. When a woman is sucking off a man, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it", lest she forget what she is doing.
  28. Anuses are perpetually clean.
  29. Everyone else's penis is bigger than yours.
  30. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a penis there.
  31. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
  32. A penis joke is an appropriate lead-in to the so-called "nasty".
  33. Geeks never have to beg.
  34. Every girl on the planet is at least bi.
  35. Pubic hair is a myth.
  36. Men always wear watches.
  37. Starring in porn is the only time a women shouldn't be restricted to the kitchen.
  38. The phrases: "oh yeah" or "yes" must said at least eleven times.
  39. Swearing is a constant.
  40. There's never an awkward moment during sex (e.g. the man wouldn't yell out "BEN AND JERRY'S ICE CREAM IS THE BEST!")
  41. Women are always ravishingly horny, to the point that they're banging random visitors.
  42. Your friend's mom has a huge crush on you and has caught you masturbating, only to go masturbate herself.
  43. Only men with tattoos on their biceps can have sex.
  44. If you offer them enough money, all women are willing to have sex.
  45. There is no such thing as natural finger nails.
  46. All stewardesses want any guys dick in any hole, ALL the time.
  47. Feet, although infinitely disgusting, do turn some people on.
  48. The only thing women think about during sex is the tasty cum they get to eat afterwards.
  49. The man always decides on the position, no objections.
  50. Girls called Cytherea will always cum. No exceptions.
  51. Women can have a orgasm by just taking off their clothes and by rubbing their hands on their skin.
  52. Men never care if another guy has just came in there; every hole's a goal.
  53. If your penis is seven inches, or over in length pubic hair is no longer a problem.
  54. Best friends are always lesbians for each other.

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